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　　夢(mèng)，最能“暴露”和“揭發(fā)”一個(gè)人靈魂深處連自己都沒(méi)有意識(shí)到的“向往”和“眷戀”。夢(mèng)，就會(huì)告訴你，你自己從來(lái)沒(méi)有想過(guò)的地方和人。

　　Dreams are the means by which the deepest places of one’s soul, and even the associations and emotional attachments which one is not even aware of, are exposed and laid bare. Dreams tell you about places and people you never thought about before.

　　昨天夜里，我忽然夢(mèng)見(jiàn)自己在大街旁邊喊“洋車(chē)”。有一輛洋車(chē)跑過(guò)來(lái)，車(chē)夫是一個(gè)膀大腰圓、臉面很黑的中年人，他放下車(chē)把，問(wèn)我：“你要上哪兒呀？”我感覺(jué)到他稱(chēng)“你”而不是“您”，我一定還很小，我說(shuō)：“我要回家，回中剪子巷。”他就把我舉上車(chē)去，拉起就走。走穿許多黃土鋪地的大街小巷，街上許多行人，男女老幼，都是“慢條斯理”地互相作揖、請(qǐng)安、問(wèn)好，一站就站老半天。

　　Last night I dreamed that I was standing by the roadside hailing a rickshaw. One came by, pulled by a fat man with a big, round belly. He was middle-aged, with a dark face. He put the rickshaw shafts down and asked me: “Where do you want to go?” He spoke to me as if to a child, and so I got the impression that I must be very young. I replied, “I want to go home, back to Middle Scissors Lane.” He then helped me into the rickshaw and set off. Away we went along broad streets and narrow alleys. In the streets were a lot of pedestrians. Men and women, young and old were all bowing to each other and extending greetings in a leisurely way. When they stopped, they remained standing.

　　這輛洋車(chē)沒(méi)有跑，車(chē)夫只是慢騰騰地走呵走呵，似乎走遍了北京城，我看他褂子背后都讓汗水濕透了，也還沒(méi)有走到中剪子巷！

　　The rickshaw did not go quickly at all. In fact, the rickshaw man seemed to be crawling along. We seemed to wander all over Beijing. I noticed that his back was drenched in sweat, but we still hadn’t reached Middle Scissors Lane!

　　這時(shí)我忽然醒了，睜開(kāi)眼，看到墻上掛著的文藻的相片，我迷惑地問(wèn)我自己：“這是誰(shuí)呀？中剪子巷里沒(méi)有他！”連文藻都不認(rèn)識(shí)了，更不用說(shuō)睡在我對(duì)床的陳嶼大姐和以后進(jìn)到屋里來(lái)的女兒和外孫了！

　　At this point I woke up with a start. Opening my eyes, I saw a photograph of my husband Wenzao on the wall. Perplexed, I asked myself: “Who is that? He doesn’t belong to Middle Scissors Lane.” If I didn’t even recognize my husband, it goes without saying that I didn’t recognize elder sister Chen Yu either, who was sleeping in the opposite bed, or my daughter and grandson, who came in later.

　　只有住著我的父母和弟弟們的中剪子巷才是我靈魂深處永久的家。連北京的前圓恩寺，在夢(mèng)中我也沒(méi)有去找過(guò)，更不用說(shuō)美國(guó)的娜安辟迦樓，北京的燕南園，云南的默廬，四川的潛廬，日本東京麻布區(qū)，以及倫敦、巴黎、柏林、開(kāi)羅、莫斯科一切我住過(guò)的地方，偶然也會(huì)在我夢(mèng)中出現(xiàn)，但都不是我的“家”！

　　Deep down in my soul my eternal home was Middle Scissors Lane, where my parents and younger brothers lived. In my dreams it seemed that I had never been to Beijing’s Qian Yuan En Temple. It follows, of course, that much less had I ever been to the United States, Yannanyuan in Beijing, Molu in Yunnan Province, Qianlu in Sichuan Province, Mashi District in Tokyo, or London, Paris, Cairo, Moscow, and all the other places I had lived in. But none of them was my home!

　　這時(shí)，我在枕上不禁回溯起這九十年所走過(guò)的甜、酸、苦、辣的生命道路，真是“萬(wàn)千恩怨集今朝”，我的眼淚涌了出來(lái)……

　　Then, as I lay back on my pillow I could not help retracing the road I had travelled over the last ninety years. At times sweet, at times sour, at times bitter, and again, at times stinging. Tears rolled down my cheeks as “a lifetime’s gratitude and regret were packed into one morning”

　　前天下午我才對(duì)一位年輕朋友戲說(shuō)：“我這人真是‘一無(wú)所有’！從我身上是無(wú)‘權(quán)’可‘奪’，無(wú)‘官’可‘罷’，無(wú)‘級(jí)’可‘降’，無(wú) ‘款’可‘罰’，地道的無(wú)顧無(wú)慮，無(wú)牽無(wú)掛，抽身便走的人，萬(wàn)萬(wàn)沒(méi)有想到我還有一個(gè)我自己不知道的，牽不斷、割不斷的朝思暮想的‘家’！”

　　Two days before I had joked to a young friend: “I really am a ‘person who has nothing to lose.’ I have no ‘rights’ that can be taken away, no ‘office’ that I can be dismissed from, no ‘rank’ that I can tumble from, no ‘fortune’ that can be siphoned off in fines. I really do have nothing to care for or worry about. There are no strings or ties to bind me. I can just get up and go whenever I please.” Never did it occur to me that there might be something I didn’t know about, something that I was secretly yearning for day and night. It was something from which I could never break the connection. That something was “home”.